The trumpets road to happiness
by VEGGiGRL
Summary: precisely what the title says, another of dr. Ammon's editions, this is a basic religious guidelife to all trumpet players in finding true inner trumpeting peace


  
  
The Trumpeters road to Happiness.  
  
written by Dr. Ammon Lethargic ph.D in trumpeting, a guide to all trumpeters for the proper way  
of worship and respect in finding true inner peace given from the wonderous and marvelous   
trumpet gods. Also shows you the right way to worship, and keeps you away from diabolic spirits.  
  
Dr. Ammon: No offense to any christians or catholics of the world, not meant for teasing any   
bibical or religious material, respectfully signed, dr. ammon lethargic ph.D  
  
The Devil, Lucifer, the Prince of Dark/death, also known as the alto saxaphone, mostly refers  
to females in which case shall be called "diabola" meaning devil saxaphone in flanders.   
  
Ways to keep the "diabola" away from your golden trumpet.  
  
1. steal a colorguard rifle, if your uptight about stealing then just "borrow".  
2. play as high as you can; continuously, march of the toys has the same effect too, especially played  
earsplittingly high.  
3. throw erasers/"ammo"during class.   
4. make sure to splatter paint, and make large marks on their drawings with 7B pencils, a friend my   
also do this for you.  
5. always remeber to destroy their saxaphone neck as frequently as possible, if already broken then go  
destroy the keys on her friends instrument.  
6. ( has to do with #3) if you run out of erasers/"ammo" then spit out of your trumpet and paper   
wads make excellent substitutes.  
7. if you both are playing chess in the same room at the same time: ( this is a sign that she is   
controlling your pieces) a way to ward this off is dip your pieces in a drink or some kind of liquid.  
8. raise your stand so high you cant see the conducter, because diabolas black magic can ricochet off  
an important figure and easily to a trumpet player, if your conducter tells you to put your stand down  
then put it down but make sure it faces the diabola.  
9. doing ritualistic leaps, and hyperactive looking dances can ward off her voo-doo, however it can  
also enchance her motives of performing voo-doo.  
10. if she wears glasses or contacts this is a sign of eliteness in the alto saxaphone/diabola section,  
be careful and place odd items (i.e feathers, large flat strips of cloth, or stickers) on your trumpet case  
and she wont be able to get inside.  
  
  
The four main trumpet gods/goddesses  
  
Amonneditiaretardus: more commonly reffered to as "the elite".  
  
ways of worship and signs of respect:  
his sign: the trumpet bell  
  
1. amateurs attemtping to get screeches of notes out of their trumpets.  
2. sitting in green chairs with black paint marks, that was taken from another instrumental section.  
this is more respectful if there was an argument of some sort taking place in the   
stealing of the chair.  
3. stands and chairs constantly falling off platform/stage.  
this is also more respectfull during performances.  
4. never following the conducter.   
this is a sketchy one, not always used, "the elite" shall give you word and number on how  
many measures to get behind.  
5. march of the toys from babes in toyland is a favored selection.  
  
Felexatrumpetishyperia: also known as "the goddess"  
her sign: the trumpet's keys/valves  
1. she is very attracted to anime machines, gundam wing is an excellent selection which well bring  
her and her good fortune to you.  
2. never following the conducter.  
this is different then the one for the elite, this means as in not silencing your trumpet   
when the conducter desires you to.  
3. the goddess easily gets jealous of the flutes, dump your spit in their hair or tip your stand over.  
4. the goddess does not enjoy diabolas company, remember her sign are the keys so you must   
remeber to constantly put valve oil on it to keep diabola away.  
5. as the goddess easily gets jealous of flutes, remeber to copy all their solos and prove you can sound  
better then them on the first try.  
  
Dumbusretardano: also known as "the god"  
his sign: the mouthpiece  
1. the god gets annoyed by people who insult trumpets, remeber to keep track on them.  
2. the god is the smartest of all trumpets, he only took four months to read green eggs and ham,  
remeber to respect that and show respect by never trying to beat that record ( you wouldnt be very  
succesful anyway).  
3. always achieve for the highest note you can play, this well please him into a state of liesure.  
4. always blame somebody else for doing something wrong, if you take the blame the god well take   
offense.  
5. never follow the conducter  
thusforth another different way, this time you dont follow when she tells the trumpets  
to play or not.  
  
Lethargianastupidia: also known as "the enchantress"  
her sign: the body of the trumpet  
1. remeber the enchantress hates when people dents her trumpet, you must also dump valve oil down  
to wash out evil diabola spirits and keep it squeaky clean.  
2. the enchantress is the only major goddess that does not get jealous, but she still encourages to   
try to make jealous of the superior trumpet, this well be a sign of dietiness as most people cannot   
understand the beautiful tones of the trumpet.  
3. never follow the conducter  
this time she means it as in never listen, when asked something make sure to atleast   
pretend you werent listening, playing some form of cards or socializing during tests is   
not uncommon either.  
4. the enchantress loves riches and golds, place odd items in your trumpet case to give to her.  
5. always spend masses of money on her, this shall also be achieved by the fact that people like to   
ruin your trumpet alot and it will be taken to the shop often, theirfore it serves two purposes.   
  
follow these simple rules and you shall be blessed with true inner piece from these four major  
gods/goddesses  
  
there are many other minor gods, another addition devoted to trumpet mythology shall be on its way  
soon.  
  
dr. ammon lethargic ph.D in trumpeting needs your opinion on his first edition of the trumpets road  
to happines. 


End file.
